Detachment

This is a tough one. When you’re thinking about moving you think about getting rid of things. The more stuff you have, the bigger of a pain it is. In fact, it may be the only time you think about getting rid of things. The longer you stay somewhere, the more you tend to accumulate because you simply don’t have to think about it.

Madonna said it best. We are living in a material world. But how much is too much? How much do I need? What can I detach from?

I helped a friend who slowly withered away from cancer. She had a lot of nice things that she really loved. But I can attest to the fact that when she passed, nothing went with her. And it’s true for all of us.

It seems the more emotional attachment we have to something the harder it is to part with it. Then there is the lack mentality that causes us to want to hold onto things just in case we might need them someday. And let’s not forget the principal that as soon as I get rid of something, I am guaranteed to want or need it. There are cultural beliefs that are passed down to you about money, lack, and how much we want or need.

Besides it’s obvious physical component, detachment turns out to be an incredibly complex issue involving emotional and spiritual aspects.

For me, it comes down to this. The state of your mind is reflected in the environment that you keep. Think about that for a minute. If I walk into your home, I get a glimpse into your mind; the way you think, what you cherish, what is comforting to you, what you value.

Marie Kondo came up with an entire method of how to let go of things which demonstrates that we all have issues with this. I love the basic premise of only holding onto that which sparks joy. This clearing of items is done in stages because it can be mentally traumatic to let go of things.

Let’s start with the emotional issues. Hoarding has been associated with depression. But what is the difference between a collection, hoarding, and just being practical? The line can blur very quickly. What might look like junk to me is precious in the eyes of someone else. It gets even more complicated if the item is an heirloom. If I get rid of this item, am I deleting the memory of this person? Do I want to keep this item because every time I see it it reminds me of that person. If I get rid of the item does it mean I never think of this person again? Can I remember and honor this person in another way like stories? Ultimately, these are very personal answers that can only be determined by the individual posing them.

There is a deep spiritual aspect to all of this. How much do you trust? How much gratitude do you have? Where is your focus? Is it on people? Things? Money? Love? Gratitude? Lack? Let’s face it, we all have prejudices, whether we like it or not. We might judge someone by the car they drive, or how they look or the clothes they wear. There are a million other ways we can judge people by gender, race, culture, etc. However, for now let’s set that aside because we’re only talking about detachment from things here. And by the way, judgment isn’t all bad. Judgment can also be discernment….but I digress.

If God really loved me, wouldn’t he give me a Mercedes-Benz? Ultimately, I believe that detachment has to do with your relationship to God. If I ultimately could believe that I am cared for and will receive whatever I need when I need it, then I truly need very little in the way of physical things. What is a want versus what is a need?

This brings us to Maslov‘s hierarchy of needs. I need food, shelter, water at a very basic level. Is this a human right everyone should be entitled to? Ultimately the world that I want to live in, everyone is entitled to these basic needs.

But even these basic needs are very simplistic. Anyone who has been sick also knows you need good medical care. I don’t know how I arrived here from detaching from physical things, but that’s how my mind works.

Thinking about these larger issues maybe it’s easier to let go of that pile of papers that you will never get to, those containers that you will never use, the clothes that you won’t ever fit into again, and the sentimental items that you can hold in your heart.

You are welcome to join me in decluttering your environment. Best of luck to you as we embark on this journey.