In this day and age our cars can practically drive themselves. In fact, that is the next thing coming soon. But what if I’m not a complete moron and I don’t want my car closing doors for me, locking trunks, turning on my lights, not allowing me to open my trunk while the engine is running and a myriad of other menial tasks that I never asked it to do? A rental car I had tried to kill me by shutting the trunk on my head. Luckily due to my ninja reflexes I avoided being decapitated. But it was a disturbing experience because I did not ask the car to close the trunk with my head in it. At what point did an engineer decide this would be a good idea? Was he or she thinking, people are too stupid to trust them to close the trunk so let’s just close the trunk for them without any provocation, without any request, without any regard for safety. Have we become so stupid that we would drive away with the trunk open? Walk into our house without closing the trunk? Is this why we need this cyber assistance? I don’t know about you but I can live without it. Although I love my hands-free Bluetooth, not a single living soul can understand a word I am saying on it. So what’s the point really?
Which now brings me to my washing machine. My washing machine is currently holding my clothes hostage. There’s some issue with the power where it keeps tripping the breaker on my house. But in the meantime whenever the power goes out or it thinks the cycle isn’t done, it locks the door thus trapping my clothes inside. Just to be clear, I never had any intent of throwing myself into the washer while it was running and closing the door with myself in it thereby drowning myself. However this machine seems to think that it’s saving me from this unfortunate fate. Was this a big risk in life that I have somehow miraculously managed to avoid by sheer luck? Have I somehow missed all the stories of people drowning in their washing machines? I think not. I think it’s a conspiracy to make us dumber and dumber. Because now we are raising a generation of kids who assume that the washing machine lid will lock and if there’s ever a washing machine that doesn’t lock the lid they might actually fall in and drown. Then there will be a lawsuit because this generation will claim, “Well we didn’t know that if the lid is open and we climb inside and close the lid that we could drown.” And the courts will agree with them and award them obscene sums of money thus making it a requirement that all washing machine lids lock. That is why I currently hate my washing machine.
Come What May Publishing 